"Chinese lady pakistani lady se:
"Mere Husband ka Chaltey Chaltey intiqal Ho Geya.
Pakistani Lady:
"Bus Behn, China ki Cheezon ka Yehi Masla Hai.
Showing posts with label Joke. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Joke. Show all posts
Frustrated Husband
A wife was making fried eggs for her husband for breakfast. Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen.
"Careful... Careful!!! Put in some more butter! Oh my God! You're cooking too many at once. Too many! Turn them! Turn them now! We need more butter. Oh my God! Where are we going to get more butter? They're going to stick! Careful... Careful!!! I said be careful! You never listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you crazy? Have you lost your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. Use the salt! The salt!"
The wife stared at him and asked, "What the heck is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"
The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving with you in the car."
"Careful... Careful!!! Put in some more butter! Oh my God! You're cooking too many at once. Too many! Turn them! Turn them now! We need more butter. Oh my God! Where are we going to get more butter? They're going to stick! Careful... Careful!!! I said be careful! You never listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you crazy? Have you lost your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. Use the salt! The salt!"
The wife stared at him and asked, "What the heck is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"
The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving with you in the car."
The Whole Truth!!!
At school Little Johnny was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth."
Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. He goes home, and as he is greeted by his mother he says, "I know the whole truth."
His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just don't tell your father."
Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth."
The father promptly hands him $40 and says, "Please don't say a word to your mother."
Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door.
The boy greets him by saying, "I know the whole truth."
The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, "Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!"
Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. He goes home, and as he is greeted by his mother he says, "I know the whole truth."
His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just don't tell your father."
Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth."
The father promptly hands him $40 and says, "Please don't say a word to your mother."
Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door.
The boy greets him by saying, "I know the whole truth."
The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, "Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!"
First Night Of Honeymoon - Funny
First Night Of Honeymoon
A young couple left the church and arrived at the hotel where they were spending the first night of their honeymoon.
They opened the champagne and began undressing. When the bridegroom removed his socks, his new wife asked, 'What's wrong with your feet? Your toes look all mangled and weird.
'I had tolio as a child,' he answered.
'You mean polio?' she asked.
'No, tolio. The disease only affected my toes.'
When the groom took off his pants, his bride once again asked 'What's wrong with your knees? They're all lumpy and deformed!'
'As a child, I also had kneasles,' he explained.
'You mean measles?' she asked.'No, kneasles. It was a strange illness that only affected my knees.'
The new bride had to be satisfied with this answer.
As the undressing continued, her husband at last removed his underwear.
'Don't tell me,' she said.
'Let me guess.......
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Smallcox?
Man vs Woman - Funny
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
Married men live longer than single men.
But married men are a lot more willing to die.
But married men are a lot more willing to die.
Any married man should forget his mistakes.
No sense two people remembering the same thing
No sense two people remembering the same thing
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
Very Proud Of His Achievement
A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife,"Mother of Six" in spite of her objections.
One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well.
He shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home 'Mother of six?'"
His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion, shouts back, "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four."
One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well.
He shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home 'Mother of six?'"
His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion, shouts back, "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four."
Do You Know What is Confidence??
A hypothetical situation where 20 CEOs board an airplane and are told that the flight that they are about to take is the first-ever to feature pilot less technology: It is an uncrewed aircraft. Each one of the CEOs is then told, privately, that their company's software is running the aircraft's automatic pilot system. Nineteen of the CEOs promptly leave the aircraft, each offering a different type of excuse.
One CEO alone remains on board the jet, seeming very calm indeed. Asked why he is so confident in this first uncrewed flight,
he replies:
"If it is the same software that is developed by my company's IT systems department, this plane won't even take off.”!!!!
That is called Confidence!!!
Definitions of a Kiss according to Professors
Prof of Economics : Kiss is that thing for which the demand is always higher than the supply.
Prof. of Accountancy : Kiss is a credit because it is profitable when returned.
Prof. of Algebra : Kiss is infinity because two divided by nothing
Prof. of Geometry : Kiss is the shortest distance between two lips
Prof. of Physics : Kiss is the contraction of mouth due to the expansion of the heart.
Prof. of Chemistry : Kiss is the reaction of the interaction between two hearts.
Prof. of Zoology : Kiss is the interchange of salivary bacteria
Prof. of Physiology : Kiss is the juxtaposition of two orbicularisoris muscles in the state of contraction.
Prof. of Dentistry : Kiss is infectious and antiseptic.
Prof. of Statistics : Kiss is an event whose probability depends on the vital statistics of 36-24-36
.
Prof. of Philosophy : Kiss
is the persecution for the child, ecstasy for the youth and homage for the old.
Prof. of English : Kiss is a noun that is used as a conjunction; it is more common than proper; it is spoken in the plural and it is applicable to all.
Prof. of Architecture : Kiss is a process which builds a solid bond between the two dynamic objects.
Prof. of Comp.Science : What is a kiss? It seems to be an undefined variable.
Prof. of Accountancy : Kiss is a credit because it is profitable when returned.
Prof. of Algebra : Kiss is infinity because two divided by nothing
Prof. of Geometry : Kiss is the shortest distance between two lips
Prof. of Physics : Kiss is the contraction of mouth due to the expansion of the heart.
Prof. of Chemistry : Kiss is the reaction of the interaction between two hearts.
Prof. of Zoology : Kiss is the interchange of salivary bacteria
Prof. of Physiology : Kiss is the juxtaposition of two orbicularisoris muscles in the state of contraction.
Prof. of Dentistry : Kiss is infectious and antiseptic.
Prof. of Statistics : Kiss is an event whose probability depends on the vital statistics of 36-24-36
.
Prof. of Philosophy : Kiss
is the persecution for the child, ecstasy for the youth and homage for the old.
Prof. of English : Kiss is a noun that is used as a conjunction; it is more common than proper; it is spoken in the plural and it is applicable to all.
Prof. of Architecture : Kiss is a process which builds a solid bond between the two dynamic objects.
Prof. of Comp.Science : What is a kiss? It seems to be an undefined variable.
A Successful Marriage...
Once upon a time a married couple celebrated their 25 th marriage anniversary.
They had become famous in the city for not having a single conflict in their period of 25 years.
Local newspaper editors had gathered at the occasion to find out the secret of their well known 'happy going marriage'.
Editor: ' Sir. It's amazingly unbelievable. How did you make this possible? '
Husband recalling his old honeymoon days said:
' We had been to Shimla for honeymoon after marriage.
Having selected the horse riding finally, we both started the ride on different horses.
My horse was pretty okay but the horse on which my wife was riding seemed to be a crazy one.
On the way ahead, that horse jumped suddenly, making my wife topple over.
Recovering her position from the ground, she patted the horse's back and said 'This is your first time'.
She again climbed the horse and continued with the ride. After a while, it happened again.
This time she again kept calm and said 'This is your second time' and continued.
When the horse dropped her third time, she silently took out the revolver from the purse and shot the horse dead !!
I shouted at my wife: 'What did you do psycho. You killed the poor animal. Are you crazy?' ..
She gave a silent look and said: ' This is your first time!!!'.'
Husband: 'That's it. We are happy ever after. '
They had become famous in the city for not having a single conflict in their period of 25 years.
Local newspaper editors had gathered at the occasion to find out the secret of their well known 'happy going marriage'.
Editor: ' Sir. It's amazingly unbelievable. How did you make this possible? '
Husband recalling his old honeymoon days said:
' We had been to Shimla for honeymoon after marriage.
Having selected the horse riding finally, we both started the ride on different horses.
My horse was pretty okay but the horse on which my wife was riding seemed to be a crazy one.
On the way ahead, that horse jumped suddenly, making my wife topple over.
Recovering her position from the ground, she patted the horse's back and said 'This is your first time'.
She again climbed the horse and continued with the ride. After a while, it happened again.
This time she again kept calm and said 'This is your second time' and continued.
When the horse dropped her third time, she silently took out the revolver from the purse and shot the horse dead !!
I shouted at my wife: 'What did you do psycho. You killed the poor animal. Are you crazy?' ..
She gave a silent look and said: ' This is your first time!!!'.'
Husband: 'That's it. We are happy ever after. '
Women are Evil if they don't get what they need - Funny
A woman went up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestured alluringly to the bartender who approached her immediately.
She seductively signaled that he should bring his face closer to hers. As he did, she gently caressed his full beard.
'Are you the manager?' she asked, softly stroking his face with both hands. 'Actually, no,' he replied.
'Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him,' she said, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.
'I'm afraid I can't,' breathed the bartender.. 'Is there anything I can do?'
'Yes. I need you to give him a message,' she continued,
running her forefinger across the bartender's lip and slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to su,ck them gently.
'What should I tell him?' the bartender managed to say.
'Tell him, There's no toilet paper, hand soap or paper towels in the ladies room.'
She seductively signaled that he should bring his face closer to hers. As he did, she gently caressed his full beard.
'Are you the manager?' she asked, softly stroking his face with both hands. 'Actually, no,' he replied.
'Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him,' she said, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.
'I'm afraid I can't,' breathed the bartender.. 'Is there anything I can do?'
'Yes. I need you to give him a message,' she continued,
running her forefinger across the bartender's lip and slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to su,ck them gently.
'What should I tell him?' the bartender managed to say.
'Tell him, There's no toilet paper, hand soap or paper towels in the ladies room.'
Never Visit Rich People!! - Funny
Question : "What would you like to have .Fruit juice, Soda, Tea, Chocolate, Milo , or Coffee ?"
Answer : "tea please"
Answer : "tea please"
Question : " Ceylon tea, Herbal tea, Bush tea, Honey bush tea, Ice tea or green tea ?"
Answer : " Ceylon tea "
Question : "How would you like it ? black or white ?"
Answer : "white"
Question : "Milk, Whitener, or Condensed milk ?"
Answer : "With milk "
Question : "Goat milk, Camel milk or cow milk"
Answer : "With cow milk please.
Question : " Milk from Freeze land cow or Afrikaner cow?"
Answer : " Um, I'll take it black. "
Question : " Would you like it with sweetener, sugar or honey?"
Answer : "With sugar"
Question : " Beet sugar or cane sugar ?"
Answer : "Cane sugar "
Question :" White , brown or yellow sugar ?"
Answer : "Forget about tea just give me a glass of water instead."
Question : "Mineral water or still water ? "
Answer : "Mineral water"
Question : "Flavored or non-flavored ?"
Answer : "I'll rather die of thirst".
Engineers are smarter people!!!
Question
You have to prove that 2 / 10 = 2 (two divided by ten equals two)
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
Art student : Out of syllabus ::
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
Commerce student : Question is wrong ::
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
Medical student : it's strange yaar, How can this be possible? ::
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
Engineering student : it is very easy :awesome:
TWO / TEN
=WO / EN (Cancelling T on both sides as T != 0) :ashamed:
(Taking alphabetic position values, W=23rd letter, O=15th letter, E=5th letter & N=14th letter)
=> 23+15 / 5+14 ;)
=> 38 / 19
=> 2 , Hence Proved!
You have to prove that 2 / 10 = 2 (two divided by ten equals two)
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
Art student : Out of syllabus ::
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
Commerce student : Question is wrong ::
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
Medical student : it's strange yaar, How can this be possible? ::
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
Engineering student : it is very easy :awesome:
TWO / TEN
=WO / EN (Cancelling T on both sides as T != 0) :ashamed:
(Taking alphabetic position values, W=23rd letter, O=15th letter, E=5th letter & N=14th letter)
=> 23+15 / 5+14 ;)
=> 38 / 19
=> 2 , Hence Proved!
Understanding Engineers | Funny Engineers
Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said,
“Where did you get such a great bike?” The second engineer replied,
“Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, “Take what you want.” “The second engineer nodded approvingly, ‘Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn’t have fit.“
*********
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the
possible designers of the human body. One said, “It was a mechanical
engineer.” Just look at all the joints.” Another said, “No, it was an
electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical
connections. ” The last one said, “Actually it must have been a civil
engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a
recreational area?“
*******
An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was
better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he
enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring
relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because
the passion and mystery he found there. The engineer said, “I like
both.” Both?” Engineer: “Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they
will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can
go to the lab and get some work done.”
*******
An engineer was crossing a road one-day when a frog called out to him
and said, “If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess.” He bent
over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up
again and said, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful
princess, I will stay with you for one week.” The engineer took the frog
out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog
then cried out, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I’ll
stay with you and do ANYTHING you want.” Again the engineer took the
frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the
frog asked, “What is the matter? I’ve told you I’m a beautiful princess,
and that I’ll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why
won’t you kiss me?” The engineer said, “Look, I’m an engineer. I don’t
have time for a girl friend, but a talking frog, now that’s cool.“
“Where did you get such a great bike?” The second engineer replied,
“Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, “Take what you want.” “The second engineer nodded approvingly, ‘Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn’t have fit.“
*********
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the
possible designers of the human body. One said, “It was a mechanical
engineer.” Just look at all the joints.” Another said, “No, it was an
electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical
connections. ” The last one said, “Actually it must have been a civil
engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a
recreational area?“
*******
An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was
better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he
enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring
relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because
the passion and mystery he found there. The engineer said, “I like
both.” Both?” Engineer: “Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they
will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can
go to the lab and get some work done.”
*******
An engineer was crossing a road one-day when a frog called out to him
and said, “If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess.” He bent
over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up
again and said, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful
princess, I will stay with you for one week.” The engineer took the frog
out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog
then cried out, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I’ll
stay with you and do ANYTHING you want.” Again the engineer took the
frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the
frog asked, “What is the matter? I’ve told you I’m a beautiful princess,
and that I’ll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why
won’t you kiss me?” The engineer said, “Look, I’m an engineer. I don’t
have time for a girl friend, but a talking frog, now that’s cool.“
Wrist Pain
An old man goes to the doctor asking for a prescription for the strongest dose of Viagra, explaining that he has two extremely insatiable young girls spending the weekend with him.
He happily toddles off with his prescription.
Later that week though, he returns to the doctor asking for painkillers.
The doctor asks `Why, are you in pain after all that sex?'
`No', says the geriatric lover-man, `it's for my wrists - the girls never showed up!'
He happily toddles off with his prescription.
Later that week though, he returns to the doctor asking for painkillers.
The doctor asks `Why, are you in pain after all that sex?'
`No', says the geriatric lover-man, `it's for my wrists - the girls never showed up!'
Free Gift!!
Santa went to a shop to buy a shampoo!
He asked to shopkeeper: Where is the free gift?
Shopkeeper replied: There is no free gift with this shampoo. You would be having a misunderstanding!
Santa: Are you making me fool? Here it is written Dandruff free!
He asked to shopkeeper: Where is the free gift?
Shopkeeper replied: There is no free gift with this shampoo. You would be having a misunderstanding!
Santa: Are you making me fool? Here it is written Dandruff free!
Now bite me!!
Santa was getting bitten by mosquitoes whole night. He got irritated........drank poison and said, Now bite me you all fools......You all will die!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)